An Update

Just thought I’d let you readers know that I’ve not forgotten about you. I’m still not sure how best to proceed with my new project. As such, I’ve been delaying its launch until I feel it’s ready. Until I feel ready. I do not want to start something new and not be completely committed. Thank you for your continued patience.

Taking a Break

I have been writing this blog for over two and a half years. There has been a new post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday over that span. But this will change this week, because I’m taking a hiatus.

Since I started this blog, I’ve covered a wide range of post. Everything from religion to architecture to politics. This has been a great benefit, because it means there is often something for whatever reader comes to visit.

But this has also been a problem. The scatter-brained method created a fragmented approach. Everything could be part of the blog. It has never developed a consistent tone and voice.

Rather than working with me, the blog worked against me. This has made it harder and harder to write new posts. What started with enthusiasm has fell to frustration.

I am taking a break in order to decide where this blog needs to go next. Or whether this blog will go forward at all. Hopefully with a few weeks away, I’ll be able to decide what’s next.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you on the other side.

-That is all.

Wishing I lived in Minnesota . . .

. . . So I could vote for Al Franken when next he runs for re-election. He has taken the role of being a representative of the people to heart, rather than the simple lip service most elected officials give it. He has stood against every injustice he can find, from government subcontractors raping employees to Comcast trying to monopolize content. His latest effort? Calling Focus on the Family for their bullshit about gay marriage:

Keep fighting the good fight for all of us. We’re cheering for you.

-That is all.

Who is my Family?

Michelle and I recently had a debate that stretched over several days. As is often the case when arguing with my wife, she was right. Of course, if you don’t tell her, I won’t. This can be our little secret.

Our conversation was in part based on the concepts in this draft of my high school graduation speech. The idea I proposed is that there are  two kinds of families. There the families we are born into, our brothers, our sisters, our parents, and there are artificial families that we make ourselves, our coworkers, our teammates, our drinking buddies.

As my wife pointed out to me, in this I was wrong. I fell into the trap of a false dichotomy. While it is true that we do gain family beyond those of blood, it is false to call them a separate kind of family, to call them “artificial family.” They are nothing of the sort.

They are simply family.

To call them anything less, to put any sort of qualifiers on it, is to cheapen the value these family members have. I am surrounded by people, both by blood and by choice, who would do anything they could to help me in any way I asked. I was recently reminded of this in my last move, as I stood inside my own house with over a dozen people to help me. They were all family, and I am grateful to each and every one of them.

In fact, I realized that my most important friend, my truly best friend, is not of my flesh and blood. I choose her, and continue to choose her, over all others, for the rest of my life. Michelle, you are and will always be my family.

As will all of the rest of you who are important in my life. Screw blood or genetics. Family is what you make of it, and I could not ask for a better one. Thank you.

-That is all.

Check-In Conversations

No relationship is ever truly stagnant. Change is the only constant in life, and relationships are no exception. Change comes both from within a partnership and from without. How partners deal with this change can greatly impact a relationship.

Big, epic changes are easy, in that that they evoke an immediate response. That challenge is in dealing with slow, methodical change. The old cliche talks about how a couple just “grows apart” without realizing it. As busy as our lives get, it is easy not to notice minor changes until they add up into an unexpected surprise.

The key to stopping this from happening is to have what we call “check-in conversations.” Pick a topic of importance to your relationship, sit down with your partner, and discuss it. Topics can range from household chores to work schedules to sex. They do not have to be of earth-shattering importance; just things one or both partners care about

The best place to start is with your current assumptions; this is often where problems lie. One partner may assume everything on a subject is fine, while the other is in the middle of a crisis about it. Even if there isn’t a problem per say, it is possible that both aren’t exactly on the same page and need to adjust.

Even if both are thinking similarly, this is also a good time to bring up changes to those assumptions.  Joe and Jill might agree that the current agreement is that Jill always does the dishes, but Jill wants to renegotiate that. Talking about in a check-in conversation is far more agreeable than simply refusing to do any dishes one night.

Check-in conversations can be valuable for opening up new avenues that haven’t been discussed before. This allows partners to lay down ground rules and prevent anyone from feeling like they got the short end of the stick. Joe and Jill moved into a house from an apartment, bringing with it a whole host of lawn care responsibilities. Discussing this before hand prevents confusion or hurt.

A word of caution: these check-in conversations NEED to be safe spaces to talk. They can not be used for accusations or punishment; they won’t work to your relationships benefit if you treat them that way. Partners must be able to express their feelings, needs and desires if a team solution is going to be found to the discussed problems.

Finally, making time for these discussions can be difficult. So plan them into the schedule. Put them on the calender if need be. Because if you put a serious effort in, they won’t happen, and more problems will occur. Make the effort. Its worth it.

-That is all.

Outside Aperture

Because there can never be too much Portal in your life. Take a look at this incredible fan-made video about Portal heroine Chell on the outside of Apeture Science. It is adorable. Plus there is cake.

-That is all.

Solving a Minor Problem with Epic Nerdery

As regular visitors know, my wife and I recently moved into a new house. The new layout allows us to have an actual office big enough for both our computers, located on the second floor. This is great because it confines the mess, noise, and heat from those computers to a central location and keeps the living more clean and open.

The problem is that this leaves the MacBook as the only computer on the main floor of the house. Michelle and I find ourselves passing the computer back and forth rather regularly, which currently means logging in and out of websites like Facebook and Gmail quite frequently. Not a major problem, but an irritating one. This is a problem that should have a solution. Our browser of choice is Google Chrome and according to the documentation, Chrome has a profile switching feature in the newer channels. Easy right?

For those who are unaware, Chrome has four “channels” – Stable, Beta, Dev, and Canary, each in a different level of development. The first three are updated on a regular schedules and are currently versions 12, 13, and 14. Canary is cutting edge, getting nearly daily updates as new features are being tested. Installing any of the first three will replace the prior installation. Canary, because it is good for testing but prone to random failures, is allowed to be installed alongside the others.

This weekend I tested each version, starting with Stable and going down to Canary. Not a single one of them has a working version of the profile switching. There are pieces in place, but nothing is fully operation. So that option is out.

But the solution presented itself during this process, when I learned that Canary can be installed as well as a more stable release. So we now have two versions of Chrome installed: Stable and Canary. This lets Michelle stay logged in all the time in Stable, which runs well without major bugs. I get the more cutting edge Canary, but I’m better equipped to handled its quirks anyway

This is obviously a long and elaborate solution to what is a minor inconvenience. Most people would simply live with the problem; its not THAT bad. But I am not an average person. I’m a nerd, and this is what we do.

-That is all.

Never Do I Go Alone

Every success in my life can be summed up very simply:

I never did it alone.

This weekend had an excellent example. My wife and I needed help moving all our large furniture items from our apartment to the new house. We lacked both the extra hands needed and the large vehicles to carry them. So a call for aid went out. It was answered by a dozen volunteers to help, with others waiting in the wings if we needed them. The move went quickly, with everyone pitching in so that no one had to do too much. In no time, everything was in its place, and we were sitting in the living room with cold drinks and pizza.

This support network is a privilege that I do not take lightly. I know full well that it is not something that most people have. The ability to call on this kind of aid is rare, and mine is not just a single source. I have access to several networks of friends and family to help.

My entire life is full of moments where I could not have succeeded on my own. From college to weddings to house buying, I have had a foundation of support give me a boost, extending my reach to bigger and better things whenever I have needed them.

My challenge is to always be available in return. Because that is how these support structures not only stay strong, but grow and develop. It is only by every member putting in as much as ze is able that everyone benefits. If everyone contributes to the pot, there will always be something to eat.

-That is all.

Accepting Uncertainty

“I don’t know.”

This single phrase is the of the most powerful in the human language. It is also one that many people have a hard time both accepting it from others and using as an answer themselves. Too often humans accept bad answers over having no answer at all. Too often humans give a lie instead of an uncertain truth.

One great hurdle for abandoning religion is learning to accept this ambiguity. Going from having all the answers to having only questions is hard. One has to shift from a mindset of knowing to one of seeking. But it can be freeing as well. Once you accept the idea that “I don’t know” is an acceptable answer, you gain the ability to truly answer any question, regardless of the source. This is powerful.

Atheism and skepticism is built on this uncertainty. I do not know that god goes not exist. I conclude that he does not exist based on a lack of evidence, but I am not upset about a lack of 100% certainty. Like all things, I take the most probably answer, based on the evidence. If something is unclear, I say so. I do this with all questions on all subjects. In a similar vein, Hemant Mehta of the Friendly Atheist talked about how there is no question that atheists can’t answer:

It’s not that atheists know everything; it’s just that we’re perfectly comfortable saying “We don’t know” to questions that no one has the answer to. Why do we exist at all? I don’t know. What caused the Big Bang? I don’t know.  Why do we have consciousness?  I don’t know. I don’t know those things and you don’t either.

Even among my skeptic friends, it is very easy to want to fill in gaps with unsupported explanations. We talked about the paranormal earlier this week. I know several skeptics who want to put an amorphous god-like being just behind the Big Bang to give it a cause. There are skeptics who refuse the premise of a god while believing deeply that John Edward’s performances are displays of actual psychic powers.

It is better for us as individuals and as a species to reject this baseless claims. We must try to not invent answers without proper support. We must be willing to say “I don’t know” when it is appropriate. Only then can we really move forward in looking for answers.

-That is all.